Ladies: Do you want someone who deep down you know is not the right fit for you but for whatever reason you were stuck on him, convincing yourself and everyone that it could work? Are you maybe chasing after someone who is from a different culture and while both of you respect and appreciate the other culture, know that long term compatibility can never be achieved? Well let’s analyze this for a few minutes, taking a well known celebrity dustup as an example.
JLo, circa 2002, was a gorgeous Latina triple threat superstar was not very happy in her marriage to Chris Judd. I mean let’s face it: he was kind of boring, wasn’t really making tons of money, not bad looking but not exactly hunky. She then met Ben Affleck: tall, hunky, bodacious, fit, the ultimate American movie star and dream boat come to life. Ben Affleck wooed her with his charm and wit. He was incredibly good looking and he actually had the hots for her. After going out with two guys she just wasn’t into, she finally met this all American mainstream stud muffin. What girl wouldn’t fall for him; he showered her with attention, lavish gifts and she did the same back.
She was at the pinnacle of success; paparazzi followed her around everywhere. Ben while famous was never that interesting to the American public. Papparazi then began to follow him around everywhere and he finally got a taste of it and being the Leo that he is, just ate it up. They paraded around the world; him enjoying his fame and dating this hot exotic Latina that everyone wanted at the time; she was finally in love for real and simply wanted to show it off and revel in her happiness.
Yes anti-JLo cynics, she was in love. She wrote two songs about him on her new album and practically dedicated the album to him. Look at every picture of them together; she has a moopy googly-eyed expression and is staring at him with dreamy eyes and he is looking somewhere else. On top of it, she seemed to be constantly trying to reassure anyone who would listen that she really was Jenny from the Block and could cook. Remember the Entertainment Tonight segment with her cooking with Ben at home? She had to keep convincing Ben that she was domestic and family oriented and worthy of his love.
All was basically okay for a year. They were engaged and she was planning their wedding. He was probably gambling. Then Gigli happened; suddenly the fame wasn’t so good. They were suddenly ridiculed. Ben realized that dating JLo was bad for his career and he told the whole world that. (He also subsequently compared her to vomit but that’s a different story). Anyway, the going got tough and the tough got going. The wedding was off but he still sort of liked her and was wracked with guilt and hence couldn’t break up with her. He led her on for the next four months treating her with such lack of seriousness that she eventually had no choice but to break up with him.
Ladies, for those of you who haven’t yet realized it, he was not commitment phobic; he didn’t want to stay a Bachelor forever – he just didn’t want to marry JLo. This is demonstrated by the fact that he hooked up with Jennifer Garner 6 months later and married her and had her baby 6 months after that. Let’s do a comparison shall we:
JLo: Latina, flamboyant, painfully gorgeous, singer, dancer, actress, perfumist, fashion designer, wearer of fur, multi platinum triple threat superstar but also still family minded and wanting marriage and kids more than anything in the world probably more than her career
JGa: as American as it gets, from Charleston, WV. Band geek, T.V. actress, very pretty indeed but in a non threatening kind of way. Wearer of hush puppies, oversized jeans, and ski sweaters.
To sum this all up, he was never going to marry her. She was from a totally different culture and upbringing from him; she was flashy and Latina. His mom never really approved of her. He met a nice simple next door girl type that his mom would definitely approve of. Who cares that JGa had also been married and there was talk of cheating with another man. She looked and acted “simple”.
Moral of the story. Do not deny who you are. JLo is now with a man that appreciates her inner Diva because of his inner Divo. Gucci and fur never really mixes with L.L Bean and hush puppies. Don’t pretend to be something other than what you are – eventually the right person will come along who will allow you and furthermore encourage you to be who you truly are.