The time has come for the dreaded museum outing. But alas this is not just any museum outing. This is a children’s museum in a large city on a long weekend. As I get surrounded by screaming kids and grumpy parents, I start to exhibit signs of misanthropy.

No I don’t want to tolerate your snot nosed little kid leaping in front of my kids in line. No I don’t want to take my toddler into the filthy bathroom to change her diapers, if it ain’t poop it’s staying on. No I’m not waiting in line to get a god awful pretzel or radioactive popcorn or whatever the hell that is for my kids, no matter how much they whine for it. And no I don’t feel like force smiling anymore at the other parents, I want them to all go away so I can have VIP Mariah Carey like access to the museum.

The only person I can relate to in this moment is my husband who looks equally miserable, thereby making me happier. As we head over to the jurassic park exhibit, I daydream of simply being able to watch the movie version, any bad sequel will do too, alone at home on my couch in a snuggie, without having to get up a dozen times to feed someone, brush someone’s teeth, wipe someone’s nose, clean up something someone spilled, or break up a fight over a stuffed animal. So why do we do it all? For our kids of course. All my irritation is quickly, albeit briefly, dissipated when I see them squeal in joy over the roaring mechanical dinosaurs, sort of making it all worth it.

Once we get to the Thai restaurant for some comfort food, I go crazy ordering including the unnecessary 500 calorie Thai iced tea in addition to the too-many-calories-to-count dinner, thinking about how I’ve earned the right to pig out and pass out on the car ride home with Dora blaring in our Honda pilot’s DVD player to keep my kids entertained while my poor husband has to do the driving. And no that’s one moment where I don’t feel guilty about letting them have their screen time. I took them to a crowded children’s museum on a long weekend in a big city, this is the least I deserve, if not a medal, for cryin out loud!